What do you do after leaving an alcohol / drug addicted spouse? How do you get over emotions felt?

I left my fiance 3 days ago, due to her use and irresponsible behavior. We have been together for 8 years. I am needing help / suggestions on how to let go, and not obsess about how and what she's doing....What do you do after leaving an alcohol / drug addicted spouse? How do you get over emotions felt?
I suggest you attend an alanon support group.What do you do after leaving an alcohol / drug addicted spouse? How do you get over emotions felt?
Hello! I'm not sure that these emotions will ever come to pass. Your spouse has an illness, but that has no bearing on the love that you still feel. Leaving might be the best thing that you could have done. It may help her to reach bottom, which is so very important in the recovery process. What you do in the future , both near and far will make or break her recovery.Ideally, If if she knew that you were there might be very helpfull. However she needs to know without a doubt that this behavior will not be tolerated. You decision may have very well saved her life. Perhaps in the future, she will recover and you can pick up where you left off. If you truley love her, those feelings just don't go away. There will have to be alot of work to be done on both sides. She will have to prove to you that things have changed and you will have to learn to trust her again. It is so very possible that you do not have to say goodbye forever. This is a decision that you will have to make, If she successfully recovers and stays clean, I strongly feel that the two of you belong together. Clearly you love her and i'm sure the feeling is more than mutual. Hopefully, in the future this will be something that you both look back on as the best and worst of times and can enjoy a wonderful life together. It will be vey hard for you to give her the chance to prove herself. In the long run, if all goes well I believe it would be he biggest gift that you could give both yourself and her. I wish you the best of luck and a very happy life. I hope that this has helped in some small way.
IF you don't want to go to alanon --- get a book about it....get a book about being a codependent,etc.





I grew up with two alcoholics. I tried to deny that I needed to seek a support group --- I eventually went, and I never regretted it for a second.....trust me, you need it. You need peers and people to tell you that you are not crazy, that it is normal, and give you skills in learning to let yourself off the hook for not being able to fix her, to validate yourself for having your own boundaries, and to learn that she HAS to take responsibility for herself as an adult --- and that is not your responsibility...and that assuming that as your responsibilty is not helping anyone.





good luck
Honey, you made the first step - which is the hardest, every step after will be a little easier, but only if you can resist the temptation to look back too much.





Look forward and take control of your life. You have some decisions to make as to where to go from here - so take the time to make the right decisions. If you can take a little break or holiday - then now is the time to take one.





Read a good book or two.





It's really hard when you still have feelings for someone, but really focus on what those feelings are and deal with them one by one. You will probably be feeling pity, regret, fear, guilt, relief, and a huge amount of stress and pain. Work out exactly what you feel and why.





Is she getting any help and support from another source? If not, then helping set some help up for her will ease some of your worries.





Stay strong and focus on yourself - sounds like you have had a rough time - keep control and keep on moving, keep busy, go to the gym, go out with friends, make some new friends and just try not to look back too much or for too long.





Good Luck





I hope some of that made sense
sorry man thats tough theres probably nothing you can do i mean fi your not a robot you r gona feel this stuff for a long time and its being complicated by all the stuff your assuming shes gona do but atleast your the real human in the relationship and you will end up on your feet way before she does and it will be reflected in the next person you choose to get close with compared with her
You need some counseling to help deal with the baggage and to make sure you don't gravitate to the same kind of woman in the future.
Google up divorcecare.com and go!


This 13 week program will reveal it all to you.
You were with her, in part, not because you loved her, but to stop her from doing things that would hurt you. The fact of her being with you, at least was not with other guys as a way of saying it.





The more she can hurt you, the more you wanted to be with her, trying to give him all you can in order for her to be happy with you and don't go out. You never wanted to accept it was ';built-in'; the alcohol same as her time out of you (nights out, girls night out, etc)





Finally you started to love yourself, and the more you love yourself, the less you will care. The lack of love to yourself, has been the bond, and also probably well called, your addiction to such a unhealthy (for you) relationship.





So, start loving ';the you';, since you decided not being a victim and let others walk all over you as she was doing (because you allowed it, maybe you do not get this now, but soon you may start to get it), and once you get to the point of understand it's been all YOUR fault of what has been happening for the past times, that you could had been treated you so much better (by finding someone else, and leaving her), then you will start realize your can control your emotions, and also you can control not the one you date, but you can control who you choose to date.





Just start loving yourself, and take better care of yourself. Drugs are self-destructive, and as she was a self-destructive person, you, as her, were too a self destructive person to get out, of her, which in somehow you were addicted too, same as she is addicted to drugs.





At least, you have in your favor that you do see a problem with this, you believe that life can be better (and it can) and you decided to make that step. Same step she seems do not want to take, that is to stop using drugs. In fact, both of you are basically equally unhealty (not for nothing, you two were together....)





Now the relationship has been broken, because of the differences. You want to make a difference, so go for it!!!, actually you are going to be happier. It's not possible to know how long it will take you, but just know, according to time pass, any future day, is going to be better than any past day. Tomorrow will be better than today. Even when sometimes, from day to day, the difference may not be noticeable, but the only way to go here, is up, for the better, after you finally decided to leave her.